I am sure that I have mentioned that I don't want to go back several times by now. It is not because I want to mooch of my loving husband, or because I think that I have some sort of entitlement to be home with the kids. Actually there are a few that I can think of right now (though barely awake).
First and most huge reason: I always wanted a family. I never knew what I wanted to be when I grew up. I just knew that I wanted kids. So here I am, and here they are too. I want to be a good mom, and I want to see milestones, happy and sad times. I never knew my son as well as I do now. Yes, now I would like breaks here and there, but I want so much to be with them. They grow up so fast as it is. I am so thankful and grateful for the 2 healthy and beautiful kids that I have. Our time together will decrease, as well as trying to keep up with household tasks during that short time is also a bummer.
Next: I don't feel like I belong in any particular job. I did once, and I was fired- due to negligence on my part. Though I still feel that you should be able to trust a co-worker, and I did. I payed the price. I find out now that one of the people involved was not as by the book, as I thought. This is like a slap in the face. I don't know how she thinks that turning me in for something very very minimal could hide what she was allowing to happen... and I was very prego to boot. Point is almost 3 years later, I still don't understand. I still haven't let that beast go. I finally felt accomplished and made ok money too. I spent a little time job searching over leave, and I just don't know what I should do. Really, I am not particular about a job. I think not knowing and carrying medical insurance, scares me away from trying to explore other places.
I am not career oriented, nor do I think that I ever will be. I also don't think that I could NOT work at all. But at this time I want my job to be my kids/family. I would want to work a lot more when they go to school, but still be able to take part in school functions. I also want a job with medical/dental/401k vacation (that doesn't depend on others taking the same time off) and I want to earn enough money to make it worth leaving my kids/ and paying off student loans.
So here's to Monday. :P
I'm sorry, hun. It's so hard to go back. I really hope you find that job that gives you enough money and benefits to offset the irritation of having to leave your kids every day. You DESERVE that. You're an awesome momma and you're just doing the best you can right now, for them. Long distance hugs comin atcha! I'll call this week so we can catch up.
ReplyDeleteI'm also sorry, my Niffer. I wish you didn't have to go back, and I'm also still very angry about the way you were thrown out on your ass from probably the first job you ever loved, and one I know you were so good at. (I'm kinda tired, pardon my poor grammar/sentence structure.)
ReplyDeleteAnyway. I love you so much, and thank you for everything you do for us. Our family is perfect, even if other aspects of our lives aren't. <3